Excuse my blubbering as I write this post. When I got pregnant I knew I wanted to breastfeed, now before I get any crazy feedback I’m a big supporter of fed is best. I am not trying to be insensitive to anyone that could not breastfeed or do any shaming because I always preach that a mommas sanity is more important no matter how she gets her rest and baby to eat!
I did so much research, took classes, read forums, watched videos, listed benefit after benefit of breastfeeding for the first year, I also had my moms support since she breastfeed my brother and I. The benefits for both mom and baby are so overwhelmingly wonderful I knew I was going to give it my all! I have a bit of a track record of going for what I want, and not stopping until I finish a goal. Finishing college, finishing a marathon, it’s like when I set my eyes on the prize I’m going to get it. Odd to compare that to breastfeeding but I had to because while breastfeeding is a natural thing to do, it is not easy. It takes so much time, patience, effort. From both momma and baby. The payoffs are worth more than you can ever imagine.
Ok ok, back to the point. I was so blessed to be successful with Mary and my goal of breastfeeding a year came and went. That fast. Like literally that fast, hold them close. I also learned that the idea of weaning after a year wasn’t going to be as easy as I thought, I tried to shorten day time feedings for the next four months after she turned a year. That didn’t work, so I left for a weekend….pumping minimally to “dry up” nope that didn’t work. She seemed so extra clingy when I got back. Frustrated but also trying to take in the bond that I worked so hard to create, I basically threw my hands up in the air. I would joke with my mom, she won’t wean until I’m pregnant again. We would both laugh…..
Well y’all, this chick is preggo. About seven weeks and I know there is a risk announcing it on my post, but I’m a bit of an open book and I had to share my journey in case there’s any other mamas desperate to wean their little. The pregnancy was expected but not expected to be here that fast. Anywho I felt a rush to wean my girl, getting anxiety of tandem feeding and how am I supposed to nurse her with a big belly! Pretty much praying for the strength and knowledge of how to gently let my girl know that her moment has stopped. That bond, while precious, is coming to an end.
First trimester blessings, I mean….. the nausea, the tiredness, the dizziness, you know….blessings haha. I knew I couldn’t nurse Mary with all my symptoms. Four days after finding out I was pregnant I stopped nursing her at night. She was not happy, and it hurt my heart but you know what. She adapted, she stopped fussing and before I knew it would fall asleep. It only took about three nights of rough sleep for both me and my husband. Then came the daytime nursing sessions, at this point I know I’m not producing anymore, milk has diminished and there is only a comfort nurse. You know, the times your kid is screaming in public or having a meltdown and you give them a binky? Paci? What have you. Well it was time to cut the daytime nursings….this actually took longer than the night time nursings to cut out. And honestly sometimes she still wants to nurse when I hold her a certain way. What always helps? I tell her I love her, she’s still my girl, but no more nursing is ok. I tell her that I will hold her as long as she wants. She looks at me with her big ol eyes, sometimes she is sad, and most of the time she just looks at me like she understand. Toddlers are smart y’all, I don’t care what anyone tells you, I swear at a year Mary knew everything I would tell her. I’ve always talked to her like a person, no baby talk. She understands, I know she does and I love her for it.
In the end, it took one week to naturally wean my daughter. It was actually way more peaceful than I ever imagined. I’m not saying there were no tears (from both of us) because there were two solid days I cried when she cried. But I also knew it was time for her to move on. Remember how I said fed is best? Mommas sanity rules? Well, I need a break from nursing before the new baby comes. I’ve always been in tune with my wants and needs as a woman and as a mommy not so much but I just knew in my heart I as a mom needed this.
It has been six days since I nursed Mary. Almost a week and the last time I nursed her I knew it would be the last time. Not necessarily in the moment but the moment I woke up the next day I knew it. Nursing sessions with Mary were over and if you have ever nursed your baby you know the emotions I felt. You feel like a piece of your relationship is gone. But at the same time so overwhelmingly grateful for the nursing sessions we did share.
No matter how long or short you nursed your babe know that it’s a bond never forgotten. Sacrifice and hard work never unseen either. This emotional preggo is having a hard time understanding why I miss it when I wanted to end it so bad. Motherhood am I right? It can fulfill our heart to the moon and back and sometimes it can pull our heart strings harder than they have ever been pulled. She needs me yet doesn’t need me for something we shared for 22 months. I do know this, I accept all the feels that come with this journey, because I know it goes by way too fast.
This ones for all the mamas that are tired, touched out, sore breasts, but still constantly giving all they can to their babies. You are selfless, beautiful, and wonderful creatures!!!